I have to say, there is a part of me that definitely dislikes the internet.
I dislike how easy it makes things – I believe that effort is required in a lot of good things. Such as learning – it used to drive me up the wall to see how quickly my students would simply turn to the internet to get an answer to whatever question they might have. They would run to “ask.com” and then take whatever answer they viewed at face value, no matter how many times I tried to tell them to keep looking, and to definitely not trust that particular website.
They seem to have lost the joy in working to learn something. They want an answer and they want it quickly. Where is the satisfaction in that?
I also dislike the internet because it is a bandage for loneliness. I know it is a means of connecting people across continents and oceans and that without it, I wouldn’t be able to talk to many loved ones, but I still have issues with it sometimes.
I am quite lonely here in Sao Paulo right now. Most of my friends are traveling and my sisters are not home. I do not have a job at the moment. I am in a state of waiting.
At the moment, I spend far too much time doing useless things. Time stretches ahead of me in incomprehensible ways. My loneliness means I have no one to talk to about the things that are going on in my life, so I turn to the internet. As I said, I have a lot of time on my hands – what am I doing that I feel the need to share? Nothing, really. Still, my facebook profile picture has changed 5 times in one month, when it had been the same picture for 6 before that. My status updates are constant and banal. My photo album is large and my “mobile updates” are increasing at an unprecedented rate.
I am becoming the kind of person I dislike on the internet. The people who feel the need to keep SOMEONE informed of their lives, so they tell the internet.
I don’t think my life is that fascinating, so why do I inflict it on other people?
I used to be better at being lonely. I just felt comfortable with the notion that I was doing something without having other people know. I could think a funny thought and not feel the need to instantly share it with someone. That was before the internet though.
Even now, in writing this post, I am sharing something unnecessary. Why do I do this? This is the great flaw of my blog – it fills in for when I need to express something, without any common thread to what I am expressing. It is me talking to an empty room for the sake of being heard by the ghosts that live it, never expecting a reply.
I am not sad. I am not unfulfilled. I am actually quite happy – my life is going where I want it to at this moment in time. I am in the calm before moving to a whole new country all on my own and starting school. I am apprehensive and excited. Yet somewhere in all this, is a loneliness created solely by the fact that I CAN share with someone anytime I want to. Curiosity nags at me to try deleting all these forums and simply communicating via email and letters. Would it change? Would I change?
I think it would. I think I would.
I think I might.