I used to write for the school newspaper back in High School. The paper was themed – more of a magazine really. One time, the theme was “love”. This is what I wrote. I was 17. It’s pretty awesome to be able to revisit not only my old writing, but also my old thoughts. I can’t believe I was ballsy enough to actually publish this for my entire HS to read (including teachers!).
I am incredibly lucky to have fallen in love, head over heels, since writing this almost seven years ago. I think I was actually on to something. This is 100% unedited. Also – YEAH MORE CLIP ART!
Love; For One and All?
The Talon says, “Write about love and relationships!” and a million article ideas spring forth into my mind. Writing about passionate hobbies of mine, my beautiful and long lasting relationship with novels of all sorts, my dog, my parents, my sisters, whom I am freakishly close to and many more things. Ultimately, romantic love triumphs, as many love stories and poems say it has a tendency to do.
My memory flashes back to moments when I claimed to be “in love” with someone, and truly, at that moment I believed I was. Looking back, I know I can’t have been, and yet, I was. Mr. Tully (School superintendent) phrased it best once in a roundtable discussion two years ago; “teenagers can fall in love, they can fall in love every day with a different person, in a different way. Just because it’s puppy love doesn’t make it any less real. “ Something along those lines. My memory might have altered it somewhat over the years. Ever since hearing that, I have never forgotten it, and hold it true to my heart. I am in love with that rationale.
Nowadays, I am inclined to hope that some day I will fall in love. I have nurtured long, unrequited crushes throughout my teenage years; crushes that I always believed would blossom into a true black or blue rose—rare, beautiful and unique. They never did. I try to convince myself that it is merely wishful thinking; I am not going to fall head-over-heels for someone in High School, it’s ludicrous to think that I would, and I should stop hoping, thus being less likely to get hurt. Yet, my friends are a constant deterrence to my attempts at rationale; lots of them are in long-term relationships, some of longer than a year. I see them argue, then kiss and make up, and give each other cow-eyes, and I morph into a tiny little green monster that can’t help but look upwards at them, wondering “why can they do it, but not me?!”
Lately, I have devoted times of silence and laziness, with nothing to disturb me but the music sneaking through my headphones into my aid-less ears. I found a perfect spot in the country for pondering this exact question. I get a blanket, lay it out on the grass, a bit in front of the Jabuticaba tree at my farm, where my family won’t find me, and the dogs will leave me alone, and stare at the sky and horizon. I have decided many things, some of which are too personal for the Talon. One theory is not.
Here is what I think, why some of us have not fallen in love yet, or committed to anyone yet: we don’t want to. Simple right? But I’ve just spent an article whining about how I DO want to fall in love. So why-? Because people who fall in love are out there looking for it. They want that other person to share their time, memories, phone bills, dreams and stupid moments with. They might not even know it yet. I do not want that person. I want to love, and to have that feeling of security and to have that one person who is special to me, and yet… I want my memories to be my own, my time to be mine, my dreams to be as secret as my past, and my stupid moments to be stupid moments. I am selfish. People in love are selfless. Maybe one day, someone with step forward and change that in me, and everything of mine will be theirs, if they want it. But now, in High School, I am selfish and want every last moment to have the sweet flavor that comes of it being MINE. Love, on the other hand, seems to be centered on the word “ours”. Let it be yours and enjoy it. This was just an idea. Hopefully it was an entertaining read. Fin!
To those people who I have trusted with my dreams and have, in turn, trusted me with theirs. Thank you.