Fears

Why is your hair so big
Why is your butt so big
Why aren’t your clothes matching
Why are you wearing that?

Why do you look so different from me?

I remember each sting.
I remember each harmless joke.

They are small now.

I am capable now
Of saying
Because my hair is big
Because my butt is big
Because I like these patterns
Because I am different.

The ones that scare me
Are those that bury deeper.

Those little questions
That tell me I am a bad person
Why are you so
Selfish
Mean
Petty
Shallow
Uncaring
Dismissive
Jealous
Callous
Weak
Self-centered

These can’t be swatted away
They can’t be dismissed
Because I am all these things

All I can do is hope
That I am fundamentally
More kind than cruel
More caring than selfish.

And hope that people forgive me
For my errors
For me.

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